How Well Do I Really Know Myself: What Are My Blind Spots? Step 5 of the 7 Step Plan

This is the 5th step in a 7 step Discovery Project, designed to find meaning and purpose in your life. In Step 1 we looked at how our life’s history has played a part to shape the people we are today. We then dug into our strengths (Step 2), beliefs, values & drivers (Step 3) and used these to devise our personal “User Manual” (Step 4). To date, the steps have largely relied on building self-awareness and self-reflection.

Step 5 is about reaching out to others and determining to what degree our self-perceptions are aligned with how other people see and experience us.

There are many ways to do this with some being more formal than others but whatever way you choose, by receiving feedback you will be able to compare the impact that you have on others with your intended actions.

This may sound daunting but seeking feedback can really open your eyes to potential blind spots.

In my own journey as a leader, the first time that I took part in a 360-degree feedback exercise was sobering but instrumental to my development as a leader. In an organisational context, a 360-degree feedback exercise asks people more senior than you; your peers; and your direct reports to provide feedback on your effectiveness as a leader. You also provide feedback on yourself.

I thought of myself as an inspiring, future-focused, performance oriented, yet caring and inclusive leader. I believed that team members found it easy to talk to me about their issues and to ask for help/input whenever they needed it. I have Achiever, Individualisation and Focus in my Top 5 strengths as well as Maximiser in my Top 10.

There was a lot of feedback that aligned broadly to my view. However, there were two aspects of the feedback that surprised and humbled me.

The first was that my team did not feel that they could approach me. They thought that I was always so busy and focused on my work that they did not want to bother me. They were so keen to reach my high standards of performance that they felt that they wanted to get things “just right” before sharing it with me.

This shocked me and challenged my self-perception as a caring, approachable, supportive leader. Yet, on reflection, I could see that this was a combination of my Achiever, Focus & Maximiser strengths in overdrive. After receiving this feedback, I changed my ways of working. I explained to the team that my “door” was always open as my job was to be available to them always. We worked in an open plan space, so we implemented a system of ‘flags’ on our desks. A red flag meant that we were busy and could only be disturbed if urgent. A green flag meant we were free to be interrupted, at any time. I measured my “flag” time to ensure that I didn’t use the red flag more than 20% of any week. We also set up regular check-ins on projects so that team members could share “work in progress” and gain input/assistance as they developed their thinking on their projects.

The other piece of feedback that surprised me was that my peers said that I was difficult to get to know well and that sometimes they thought that I was aloof, “watching” them and even sometimes judging them. After reflecting on this feedback (and discussing it with my peers) I recognised that this was my Individualisation strength in overdrive. I spent a lot of time observing people to understand their motivators and drivers. I also would spend time listening so that I could really understand each of my peers as a unique individual. However, I spent so much time listening and observing that I was not sharing things about myself (particularly if no-one asked) and, as a result, came across as rather reserved. This was the opposite of what I intended.

Although difficult to receive at the time, without gaining this invaluable insight, I would probably have continued to over-use my strengths and have become a less effective leader.

The most important thing is to “embrace” the feedback that you receive. It is possible that the feedback will challenge your self-perceptions and deeply held beliefs about yourself as a person. It is possible that you will want to argue against the feedback you receive. However, it is really important to remember that this is information about how others see you and experience you. It is their perception. You have a choice to align their perception with how you intend to “show up” as a person.

There are lots of different ways to seek feedback. At its most simple you can just ask a range of people to share their thoughts with you. However sometimes people are not comfortable giving candid feedback face to face. If you want to preserve the anonymity of the responses, you can ask a third party to collate and summarise the feedback. There are many materials and mechanisms for feedback gathering (just google 360-degree feedback mechanisms for ideas). But to start you off, as part of my coaching assignments, often I will undertake structured stakeholder interviews for clients and tend to ask a series of simple questions including:

• What words do you use to describe this person?

• What are his/her strengths?

• How does s/he “show up” as a leader (or whatever role you have in life)?

• How does s/he behave when s/he is at her/his best?

• How does s/he behave with the various stakeholders with whom s/he interacts (e.g. boss, peers, direct reports, board etc.)?

• What are his/her blind spots (i.e. things about which you are aware, but the individual is not)?

• How does s/he behave when s/he is NOT at her/his best?

• What can s/he do more, less, differently to enhance his/her effectiveness?

• What one thing would make the most positive difference if s/he embraced it?

Seeking and learning from feedback may not always be easy but is essential in order to increase your knowledge of yourself and become the “best you that you can be”.

Steps 1 to 5 of the “Living Life on Purpose” plan helps you look through the lens of your past and present to identify who you are as a person and what is important to you. In Step 6 you will apply all of this knowledge and insight to craft your “Statement of Purpose”. This is a forward-looking statement identifying who and what you want to be known for going forward. As you live life you can use this Statement as Purpose as your “inner compass” helping you to make conscious choices about how you want to live your life day by day.

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If you would like to learn more about strengths-based coaching or the 7 Step Plan to Living Life on Purpose contact me on ad@annemariedurbin.com or visit www.annemariedurbin.com