Writing your Personal “User Manual”: Step 4 of the 7 Step Plan
- Annemarie Durbin
- Jul 3, 2019
- 5 min read
This blog is a continuation of a 7-part series that sets out a “Step by Step” plan to discover what really matters in your life and to set you off on a path to “live your life on purpose”. The overall outline of the 7 Step Plan, Step 1, Step 2, and Step 3 have been covered in earlier blogs. This blog focuses on Step 4.
Recently, my husband and I leased a new car. It is a hybrid (petrol & electric) Volvo. The first time I got in to drive the car alone I discovered that it had no ignition keyhole. There were some knobs in the centre of the car (where normally I would expect to find the handbrake) but there was no obvious way to start the car. I rang my husband in a panic and he tried to explain it to me. He said you turn the knob to the right and then the car will start. I tried that several times and nothing happened. In exasperation he told me to get out the instruction manual. I hung up, now in a bad mood and searched for the instruction manual.
Needless to say, the glovebox was not where I expected to find it either! By this time I had spent 30 minutes in the driveway getting more and more frustrated and more and more late. Finally, having found the instruction manual and the right page, it explained I had to put my foot on the brake and turn the knob at the same time to start the car. The next challenge was to release the handbrake (more page turning ensued!). Because I had assumed that I knew how to start a car, I had wasted half an hour rather than accepting that not all cars are the same and reading the instructions from the outset (or paying attention to my husband when he was driving it!).
Similarly, each of us take for granted that we understand ourselves well enough to know how to operate at our best in a given situation. We assume that we know what fuel we need; what rest and recovery we must take between journeys; what conditions enable us to perform smoothly and what might cause us to stall or to perform below our best. However, unless you have done your “inner work” to really understand yourself deeply the chances are that you are making assumptions about how to be your best self.
The Personal “User Manual” exercise encourages us to take a step back and really analyse and document what “makes us tick”. It is a really useful exercise for our own individual journey of self-discovery. Even better, it can also be fabulously helpful to share our “User Manual” with others so that they know how to get the best from us without having to guess or work it out by a process of deduction.
There is no perfect list of “User Manual” questions to ask ourselves. The following is a list that I have found to be a good starting point for anyone who wants to understand themselves more deeply and who has the courage to share this with others with whom they want to build strong and deep mutually caring and respectful relationships. Some of these consolidate and build upon previous steps in your Self-Discovery project (e.g. identifying your strengths, values, beliefs and drivers).
What are my “super-powers”? These are my strengths when I am at my best?
What do I look like and/or act when I am at my best?
What are my preferred styles for “getting things done?
How do I seek to influence others?
What is my preferred way to build relationships with others?
How do I prefer people to build relationships with me?
What are my preferred thinking styles?
How do I build trust with others?
How do others build trust with me?
What are my top 5 values? What does this mean in terms of how people get me at my best?
What are my de-railers (i.e. things that trigger me)? These can result in me not being at my best.
What qualities do I most value in myself?
What qualities do I most appreciate in others?
How do I prefer to communicate with others?
How do I want others to communicate with me?
How do I convince others about something?
How do others convince me about something?
How do I prefer to give and receive information?
How do I prefer to give and receive feedback?
What words or actions are most likely to motivate me?
What words or actions are most likely to de-motivate me?
What things can someone do to earn a “gold star” from me?
What things can someone do to annoy me?
What things might people mis-understand about me that, if I clarified, could lead to a better relationship?
What are my hot buttons?
What other ‘getting me at my best’ Dos and Don’ts are there?
What conditions lead to me feeling stressed or pressured?
What are my “coping mechanisms” when I am feeling stressed or pressured? How effective are they in enabling me to operate at my best?
You may find that you cannot instantly answer all these questions about yourself. This is normal. Most people do not have a deep understanding of “what makes them tick” and the aim of this exercise is to allow yourself the time and space to pull your reflections together.
Be curious. Observe yourself in action over the next few days, weeks and months with the aim of adding to the richness and depth of insight that you include in your “User Manual”.
Over time, your personal manual will evolve and once you gain a better understanding of the conditions to enable you to be at your best, you will then have more opportunities to create environments where you are more likely to be able to operate at your best.
Should you choose to share your “User Manual” this is a powerful step towards developing deep mutually trusting and respectful relationships with others. It also means that others can consciously choose to “turn up” in a way that is most likely to enable you to be at your best rather than inadvertently saying or doing something that may trigger you to a sub-optimal level of performance.
This "sharing of personal information" leads into Step 5 of the “Living Life on Purpose” plan. This step asks: How Well Do I Really Know Myself?; What do you know about yourself that others also know?; What do you know about yourself but do not share with others? What are the things that others know about you but about which you are not aware?
If you would like to learn more about strengths-based coaching or the 7 Step Plan to Living Life on Purpose contact me on ad@annemariedurbin.com or visit www.annemariedurbin.com
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